It’s 7:31am and we’ve been awake for an hour already. I’m sitting back in the lazy boy, just finished folding a load of baby laundry, watching my beautiful Nova play, sipping on a coffee that my husband made for me, while listening to Jewel’s kids CD, and hearing bacon sizzle in the frying pan. This is my first Mother’s Day!
As Justin prepares breakfast, I can’t help but think about the years to come when Nova (and probably another child!) will be there in the kitchen helping him; and they’ll be so excited to present the special breakfast they made for me.
I remember doing that for my mom. And I remember my Dad bringing my brother and I to Buck or Two, and we’d both pick out a trinkety little item that we thought Mom would love! Now I’m thinking my gosh how much random stuff did we give her over the years!? But I’m sure she loved each and every one. And I know that I will too.
Those days will be here all too soon – I already have a ten and a half month old!! Being a mother has already been the most fulfilling and rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. I have a whole new appreciation for moms. A mother’s love is like no other. It’s like… a big cuddly bear hug, coming from a grizzly bear. The strongest loving compassion you could ever imagine, that would make you do anything to keep your child happy and safe.
So this Mother’s Day, I am wishing an even more heartfelt Happy Mother’s Day to ALL of the Moms out there. You are all amazing. ❤️
This is long overdue since my Sweet Emotions post. As promised, here’s my story and perspective on child birth and of course – having a newborn!
I spoke a little about my pregnancy in my other post, but here’s a little more! It was, I would say for the most part, extremely smooth sailing! I was slightly nauseated for a little while in the beginning, but nothing I couldn’t manage and work through. I remember being really sleepy – I would grab a nap on my lunch break, after supper, in the middle of the afternoon, whenever I could really!! It was like a drowsy on Benadryl sort of sleepy, it wasn’t worth fighting, but I wasn’t complaining!! Or maybe I did a little… I used to get some hip pain, which is completely normal. (The baby gotta come out eventually… the hips gotta get ready!) I had a lot of heart burn as time went on, which I never really suffered from before! I ate lotsss of Tums! (Yep – baby had lots of hair too, so that “myth” was indeed true for me!) And finally, one of the worst things I had to deal with was probably the development of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, which is also a normal thing during pregnancy, especially given my job as a nail tech! That did go away after baby was born but I did have some other wrist pain for quite sometime, and I am still recovering from it now!
I went off work around 30 weeks I think it was… it was April 29, I was due June 30. I couldn’t work any longer with the wrist pain I was dealing with – it wasn’t worth it. Plus, that’s what sick EI is for! I really enjoyed my time off then, I can’t lie. I had my baby shower the day after I finished work, and then once the nursery was painted, I got everything all set up and ready to go! Then it was a waiting game! So many people used to say to me “I bet you’re gonna go early!” Once you hit 37 weeks they say you’re in the safe zone. If the baby decides to come then, everything should be fine. So once I got there I found myself constantly wondering and thinking about when and where I would go into labor – would I be home alone? Standing in Walmart? Would my water even break? What if I went over and had to be induced? So many thoughts and questions. I got out a suitcase and started to gather things that I knew I would want to bring and have with us. We had to travel about an hour to the hospital where we would be having the baby, so it’s not like my husband could just run home to grab something.
On the night of June 27th, I was reclined on the couch, watching TV, and I opened my notes in my phone and made a list of the last minute things I still had to throw in the suitcase, and a list of exactly which bags and things needed to come with us – suitcase, diaper bag… carseat. You know. Important stuff. Around 4:30am, I woke to pee (as per usual), and found myself running into the bathroom… my water broke!!!! I had an immediate sense of nervousness (like knot in your stomach, holy crap, nervous) and excitement. I yelled to Justin to wake him up. I remember him standing in the doorway half asleep and me saying “my water broke!” He rubbed his eyes and said “…I need to get my Tecta.” (His acid reflux medication, HAHA!) Anyway, we weren’t long waking up then. I took the time to get a shower, cause I mean… who knew how long I would be in labor for. I had to go to the hospital “right away” though, to be hooked up to antibiotics before baby arrived (not always the case.. if you’ve never been pregnant, you’ll soon learn about that.) Anyway, what ironic timing – I opened up the list I just made before I went to bed, and we got everything ready. We called our moms, (my mom was coming with us) and headed out the door. I was not in pain at this point, I was excited and nervous, as was Justin! Once I was past the “going into labor thoughts” I started to think about the other things like “How bad are contractions gonna be?” “Am I gonna be screaming in pain?” “How long is my labor going to last?” “When will the baby be here!?” So like… internally freaking out a little, forcing yourself to eat, and stay calm type stuff.
As we were packing up and getting ready to leave, saying bye to the dogs, “see ya in a couple days with a new baby!” I thought about how it was the very last time it would be just the two of us and the dogs in our house. From here on out we were gonna be a family of 3 (or more). Wow. That was really a lot to think about. I mean, yes, I thought about it before, but reality really sets in when you’re going in to labor!
We arrived at the hospital sometime between 7 and 7:30am. I registered, got weighed and got settled in our room. By this time I was just starting to feel a little crampy. I got seen by a couple nurses, got my IV put in (yuck.), and they also had to finish breaking my water (not gonna lie… super ouch.). The next couple hours were like a whirlwind!! I quickly started to feel more pain, having regular contractions. I had some pain meds – not a difference. They checked me to see if I could have some different stuff (a shot to the hip), and I was 6cms dilated – phew! Moving right along! Well… that stuff was good. Very relaxing, we’ll say. So not long after that.. probably an hour and a half, the doctor who would be delivering the baby came in and said “we’ll leave you alone now for a bit you’ve been picked at a lot this morning.” To which I said “I feel like I’m trying not to bare down at the end of my contractions.” (Which might I add… never seemed to stop!). So she said “oh… okay, well let me check you.”
It was happening. I was 9.5cms dilated. I walked to the case room, and 2 hours later at 1:05pm we had a beautiful baby girl!! We do not have a picture of that moment – we don’t have a picture of her on my chest, or getting weighed and measured, nothing. And that didn’t even occur to me at the time. For one, I was slightly out of it on pain killers, and two you’re just so in the moment that it was literally not a thought. I remember feeling so happy and relieved. Relieved that so much of the unknown was over – I survived the pain, the labor, the delivery, the baby was good, it was all good.
It’s such an unreal feeling, having a baby. You’re so completely tired and exhausted, yet fully aware, and falling so in love. Being in the hospital for a couple of days was really good… it gave us time to adjust to having to care for a baby, learning how to bathe her, getting used to changing her bum, and it also gave me a chance to do as little as possible while my body attempted to recover. (Hello from down under!!)
Bringing baby Nova home was the best. That is when I think a lot more emotions came in for me. Not just because of the wild hormonal state of child birth, but just because we were going home. Bringing the ultimate prize home, to become a part of our life, our forever changed, beautiful happy, loving life!!! And there’s also the part where we no longer had a team of nurses and doctors (or my mom), by our sides 24/7. It was all on us. It was so exciting, and nerve wracking all at the same time!!
I called this post “Pride and Joy.” Why you may ask? Pride – because you check that in at the doors of the hospital. You ain’t got no pride no more after that my honey!! But seriously, at the same time, you leave with more pride than you ever had. You may not realize it right away, but there is so much to be proud of! I was awesome in there!!! I had a BABY. I carried that baby, and I pushed her out. I am super proud!!! And joy – because, well, that’s self explanatory… you leave with more joy than you ever thought possible. That’s why people say that their kids are their pride and joy. It’s true. They are. They took some pride, give you lots more pride, and even more joy than you thought humanly possible.
Phewf… that was long. Longer that I had intended. I’ll make another post about the first days of having a newborn! …or what I can remember of them!!
Happy International Women’s Day to all women, and especially the mamas!
I feel inspired to give you all a little message of encouragement –
Way to go, mamas. You are awesome, and don’t ever forget it!!
Being a woman can have it’s challenges, no doubt, and being a mother definitely comes with its challenges! Each and every day we wake up and take care of ourselves and our little ones, without even thinking twice about it. We are faced with challenges, physically, mentally and emotionally everyday – some days more than others. Some days are smooth and easy. Some days are trying, and you have to fight to keep patience, and keep a smile on your face… but no matter what, at the end of each and every day, when they go to sleep, you can’t help but miss them! Sometimes you have mom guilt for being hard on them, or being a little annoyed throughout the day. But come morning time – they still love you, and you’re still number one to them. So don’t be so hard on yourselves!
I love waking up every morning to see my babes smile as I walk into her room. I love coming home from the store, or workout class and see how excited she is to see me, no matter how long I’ve been gone.
Some days thoughts may cross your mind about how life is not quite as simple as it once was – you can’t just grab your coat and run out the door whenever you want, you can’t go out for supper or go for drinks whenever you feel like it and you definitely can’t sleep whenever you want! When you have a baby, people say your life will be changed forever. Some people say it like it’s a freaking death sentence, like life is over!!! For me – life has just begun! Yes, it’s changed (obviously), but this is a life I asked for, a life I wanted. Being a mom IS my life now! And I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Anyway, my point is. No matter what kind of day you’re having, just remember, you are amazing, mama. You’re doing the best you can do. We all have good days and bad days, including our children! Sometimes they need a bit of a break too!
As they say — “The days are long, but the years are short.” Whatever tough time you might be going through – it will pass. And the great times – well they seem to go by even faster. So enjoy each and every day for all that it is worth. Love your babies, love your significant other, and most of all, love yourself. They all need you, more than you can even imagine!
Post workout drink and a blog post?Coming right up! Cheers to you, Mamas! Happy International Women’s Day!
For me, it depends on what I have on the go that day, how tired I am, or what mood I’m in, but I do either of these four things!
I love a good nap, especially in the morning if I’m still in my jammies. But if I have things to do that day, I really enjoy taking the time to get a shower and do my hair and makeup!
If I’m not all that sleepy, I’m either already dressed and ready, or I don’t have much to do to get ready, I sit back and relax with a cup of coffee and watch tv… or rather.. browse social media, watch YouTube videos, write a blogpost.. ya know, all that good stuff! But there’s usually coffee involved!
Most recently in the last month I started going to the gym, re-joined my old DanceFit class, and started doing an at home workout.
Today, Nova’s morning nap was taken in Patty (my Pathfinder), when we should have been at music class. So I picked up my friend Ashley and drove around while drinking a nice hot Tim Horton’s coffee!
Yesterday I did not exercise at all, not one little bit. So when Nova went down for her afternoon nap, as much as I really could have enjoyed a big ol’ nap, I did my at home workout – which I finished with plenty of time to also write this post, and I’m even gonna brew some coffee!
Whether it’s a nap, a shower, drinking a coffee, exercising or doing some housework, nap time is mommy time! It’s me time! Take advantage!
And to you brand new mom’s and expecting moms – pick A. When the baby sleeps, you sleep. The best advice I was ever given! You never know what kind of day or night you have coming, so soak up the extra shut eye or even just the time to lay down and rest!
I apologize in advance – I could probably sit here and type forever and ever. This is a topic I’m really passionate about, but I’m gonna try to keep this post on track to avoid it being too long!!
Someone suggested that I write a post about pregnancy emotions – from first finding out we were pregnant, miscarrying, getting pregnant again, throughout the pregnancy and then having the baby. Of course, everybody’s experiences and emotions are different, but this is my account of my experience. So here’s the story of pregnancy number one, miscarriage, and being pregnant again.
First and foremost, the emotion that stands out through every single event, as cliche as this may sound, is love.
Second to that would definitely be happiness.
Third.. I’m going to say fear.
And fourth, sadness.
To be honest, if I were to be writing this as all of this happened to us, I probably wouldn’t have listed these emotions in this order.
The first time I found out I was pregnant was December 18, 2015. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget that! I realized I was a couple of days late for my (very regular) period. Did a test – positive. Went to the store and bought another test – positive again! I remember being excited, happy and at the same time in disbelief, and also kind of reserved.. fearful about it. I wasn’t naive to the fact that things don’t always go well, and miscarriage does happen. (Though you never think it’s going to happen to you.)
So, as things go, I called my doctor, and got in to see him a couple of weeks later. Went for blood work, confirmed the pregnancy, and then waited to get an ultrasound appointment to get a due date.
I bought myself a little journal to keep track of dates, progress, feelings, appointments, all that good stuff.
Fast forward a month or so. On January 29, 2016 I got a call to go in for my ultrasound that same afternoon! It was a stormy kind of day I think, so they had cancellations. I can remember, as plain as day, I was about to send a bulk text to a few friends to say “going for my ultrasound now!!!!” but for some reason, I cancelled the message, said no, I won’t say anything, I’ll wait til after. I got off work early, picked Justin up, and headed to the hospital.
With a full bladder, feeling excited, and a little nervous, (I’ve never had an ultrasound before!), we waited to go in. There wasn’t a whole lot said during the ultrasound. I was asked a couple of times if I was sure about the date of my last menstrual period, and when she (the tech) was done, she said she had to check with the radiologist and would be back. When she returned, she told us they tried getting in contact with my family doctor (who was off), and that I should go to the ER to see the doctor there; Even though I had never been through this before, something told me that this wasn’t how things should go, and that something was wrong. Sure enough – there was no fetal heartbeat. The embryo had stopped living/growing, and hadn’t yet left my system. A “missed miscarriage” they called it.
Wow. It was such a hard blow. Not at all what we expected to hear. I hadn’t had any morning sickness or any other pregnancy “symptoms”, so of course, I didn’t notice any change in anything to know that something could have went wrong. I think my husband (Justin) turned as white as a ghost. After a minute, when it processed, we were both in tears.
We left the hospital completely devastated. We went through a whole process, back and forth the doctors, trying to decide how to go about speeding up the miscarriage process, and then taking medication to release it from my body. Clearly, this is the sadness I felt. And not only was I sad for us, I also felt so bad for the ultrasound tech, nurse and doctor. When something like this happens, you realize how tough their jobs are. That ultrasound tech knew that it wasn’t good for us, but she couldn’t say anything. I thought about her. The doctor had to look at us, this young couple who thought they were having a baby and basically say “sorry, but it’s not happening.” And I couldn’t stop thinking about him either.
Sadness is the last emotion my list… because of love.
During the entire process, from the moment we found out I had miscarried, to having the miscarriage, and recovering from that both physically and emotionally, Justin was my number one. Even though we were both suffering emotionally (and I probably lashed out on him a time or two), he knew that I was suffering physically. He literally stayed by my side during those days of miscarriage… he laid there on the bathroom floor while I sat there in pain, knowing what was happening. That’s love. I really feel that we were so much closer as a couple, and even more in love than before.
On December 8, 2015 (10 days before even knowing I was pregnant), I got a tattoo that says “maktub”. That means “it is written” in arabic, or as we say… everything happens for a reason. And then I was faced with one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life in the months to come.
I believe, with EVERY morsel of my mind, body and soul, that everything happens for a reason. Good and bad. Everything. And that’s how we got through that experience.
Having a miscarriage was tough. Really tough. But, like anything… life goes on. I went back to work, I had to carry on. The recovery time seemed like forever. Feelings would rush in and flood back at any given time, but eventually we were okay again, and we decided we were good to start trying again. Although.. we never really said “trying” we just.. “weren’t preventing”. Which I think made me think that wouldn’t put as much pressure on us. After a couple of months, I was still not pregnant, yet I was missing periods. Which really made me realize, ya know, maybe I’m more stressed out about this than I think I am. So after two missed periods, and several negative tests, I decided to book a doctors appointment to see if something was up.
First things first – bloodwork. Let’s confirm whether or not you are pregnant.
Well! Wouldn’t you know – my bHCG levels (which only increases when you’re pregnant), were up. Just by a couple of points. I couldn’t believe it. I was a little excited but it was still so low that I had to wait another week and get bloodwork done again to see if it went up anymore. You guessed it – it was!!! So then I bought a couple home tests, and got a positive “2-3 weeks” on the digital! I can remember feeling so happy and excited, but in the back of our minds, fearful of course.
We found out we were expecting right around our first wedding anniversary (Oct. 10)! I remember my last alcoholic beverage was a Sangria at the Keg for our anniversary supper!!
Cue the love! As time passed and I continued to be pregnant, I started falling so in love with this little baby in my belly. Being pregnant is the most amazing thing in this world. I was so fortunate to have a positive, smooth pregnancy. I didn’t suffer from any morning sickness, aside from some mild nausea that I could easily deal with, and then of course the heartburn.
In the beginning it just seems unreal because you can’t see it, can’t feel much, you just know that there’s a baby growing in there. There are so many apps out there to follow the exact growth, and you just imagine and think about what they look like! Then your belly gets a little bigger, you start to feel the flutters, the kicks, the hiccups. Then you start to feel like you’re waddling, your ankles are a little swollen (more than you care to admit), and you can’t hold your pee as long anymore. But still… I loved every single minute. I don’t know if it’s because I had a miscarriage, so I REALLY appreciated the simple fact that I was successfully carrying a baby, or if it is just because even as a little girl, I wanted to grow up, be married and have babies!
Sometimes, I think to myself, “oh my goodness.. two kids would mean I have to care for a toddler and a newborn. At the same time. Can I do that??” Yes. I can. And I will, eventually! I just can’t imagine for one, not having a sibling for Nova, and for two, I can’t imagine not getting to be pregnant again. I only hope that I am as lucky the second time around to have a smooth pregnancy!!
Thank you for reading – this post is really long, I’ll save the rest of my story for another post! Stay tuned for more about my pregnancy, and finally getting to meet our baby Nova!
mommyraya 